


TROUBLEMAKER

by Song_of_the_Black_Wolf



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Crack, Humor, Other, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-09 23:29:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11679336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Song_of_the_Black_Wolf/pseuds/Song_of_the_Black_Wolf
Summary: A bored captain and an even more bored teenager in a VERY boring meeting . . . what could possibly go wrong?





	TROUBLEMAKER

“I can’t believe how many of these meetings you have to go to!” Eren groaned as he flopped into a chair at the large conference table. 

 

“Yeah, no shit,” Levi agreed as he took a seat next to Eren.

 

“Couldn’t I just wait in the hallway?” the teen pleaded.

 

“No.  You know you have to be in my sight at all times as a condition of my having custody of you,” was the flat reply.

 

Eren groaned again.  He knew he was sounding like a brat, but he felt like being a brat today.  He liked to remind himself from time to time that he was still just a teenager.  “This really sucks.”

 

This time, Levi chose to ignore the boy.  He huffed impatiently as he looked up at the clock on the wall.  “You’d think that at the very least the man who organized this shitty meeting could be bothered to show up on time!  He did say 13:00 sharp.  It’s already two minutes past.  Did everyone decide to take a long shit at the last second?”

 

Eren stifled a giggle.  _How is it possible that a man so obsessed with cleaning can also so obsessed by fecal matter??_

 

Other attendees finally began to meander into the room.  Pixis was the first one, offering the two scouts a cheerful greeting.  He was followed by Nile Dok and a couple of members of the council.  _Aristocratic pigs!_ Levi though as they entered.  Still more people filed in.  Finally Commander Erwin Smith came in, followed by Zoe Hange and Mike Zacharius. 

 

“Thank you, everyone, for coming on such short notice,” Erwin greeted as he took his place at the head of the table.  Zoe and Mike went to take seats next to Levi, but Erwin immediately stopped them.  “You two!  Other side of the table.  Mike, sit by Commander Pixis.  Zoe, sit down by Moblit at the other end.”

 

Both scouts shrugged and silently did as they were told.  Eren regarded Levi with a  baffled expression.  Levi scrawled a note on the pad of paper in front of him and passed it to Eren.

**_We tend to cause trouble in meetings when we sit together._ **

 

Eren’s sea green eyes widened.  He couldn’t imagine Levi causing trouble anywhere, much less at a meeting – Zoe maybe – but not Levi.

 

Satisfied that the troublemakers were sufficiently far apart, Erwin turned to the chalkboard at the head of the room and began the meeting.  For a while, things went quite smoothly, but Eren was bored out of his skull.  After about the fourteenth yawn, Erwin decided to say something about it.  “Am I keeping you awake, Mr. Jaeger?”

 

Levi was the one who answered.  “No, you’re not.  But that’s precisely the problem isn’t it.”

 

Sniggers and chuckles could be heard around the table.  Erwin pinched the bridge of his nose.  _I can’t believe I actually walked into that one._

 

Eren, for his part, just sat there in open mouthed shock.  He couldn’t believe Levi had just cracked a real joke.  Or was he being serious?  _It’s so hard to tell sometimes with that permanent poker face of his._

 

Levi was, underneath his emotionless exterior, also bored out of his skull.  Then a slight movement caught his attention through the corner of his eye.  He looked down at Eren’s jacket sleeve and noticed an ugly grayish inchworm making its way along the tan fabric.  It was about 3 cm long and seemed to be in no real hurry to go anywhere.  _This is sad.  I’m so bored that I’m actually fascinated by a shit ugly caterpillar . . . wait . . . this could be fun!_   Levi had made note of the aristocrat sitting on Eren’s other side ( _No doubt she’s unaware that he’s a titan shifter!_ )

 

Having noticed the stowaway on his sleeve, Eren was watching the worm with equal fascination when Levi pushed another note in front of him.  Eren’s eyes widened as he read.

 

**_Take that worm carefully off your arm and set it front of the dame sitting beside you.  I’ll distract everyone while you do it._ **

 

Levi promptly crunched up a sheet of paper into a ball and threw it in Zoe’s face, eliciting a surprised squeak from the scientist.  As soon as everyone’s eyes were on Zoe, Eren took the worm from his sleeve and set it gently in front of the woman beside him.

 

“Levi, was that really necessary?” Erwin asked ironically as he again pinched the bridge of his nose.

 

“I assure you, it was quite necessary,” Levi replied dryly.

 

_How is he able to do shit like that and keep a straight face?!_ Eren wondered.

 

“Please don’t do it again, Captain.”

 

“Very well.”

 

“Thank you.”  Erwin turned back to the chalkboard and continued with the meeting. 

 

The woman seated on Eren’s right, was a very proper ‘lady’ of about fifty years of age.  Her grey hair done up in a neat bun atop her head and a rather sever expression on her haughty face.  Then she finally noticed the ugly little grey worm arching its back and stretching out again as it made its lazy way across her notepad.  _Here it comes,_ both Eren and Levi thought.

 

The woman responded to the worm with a shrill scream of  - terror? revulsion? both?  She flipped the note pad clear across the table, knocking over a pitcher of water in the process.  The poor, hapless worm landed on the rather portly belly of another council member who hollered, jumping up from his seat and sending the chair flying noisily across the room behind him and swatting the worm back onto the table.

 

Zoe had leapt up from her seat and was up on the table trying to get the worm.  “Don’t kill it!  Don’t kill it!  That’s a very rare species!  I thought they were extinct!”

 

Said rare worm was now moving considerably faster as it tried to escape the terrors now chasing it.    _I know how you feel, worm.  It’s just like a bunch of titans chasing after a human,_ Levi thought as he watched the chaos intensify. 

 

Pixis sat back from the table, watching with obvious amusement, and Erwin just stood at the head of the table with his mouth agape. _How does he do it???  How does a man like Levi always turn a meeting into complete disaster?!_ Erwin wondered.

 

Levi and Eren had backed their chairs away from the table since Zoe’s crawling across the table knocked over a few glasses of water, adding to the soggy mess already dripping off the table’s edges.  The woman that had been sitting beside Eren was now nowhere to be seen – but the door to the conference room was wide open.  _I wouldn’t have guessed she could move that fast,_ Levi mused.

 

As water spilled across the table, more people tried to move back, knocking their chairs over as they jumped up, and one of the council members simply went over backwards in his chair onto the floor, his legs catching under the table and upending it in the process, dumping the worm, Zoe, all water and papers (both soggy and dry) onto the floor with a resounding bang.

 

Finally, Zoe jumped up from the floor, worm safely and securely in her hand.  “I GOT IT!” she announced triumphantly.

 

Erwin surveyed the mess, then looked steadily at Levi.  “. . . how?” he asked weakly.

 

Levi looked at Eren.  “Well, that went better than expected.”

 

Pixis sat in his chair, took a swig from his flask and roared laughing.  “Erwin.  This is by far the best meeting yet!"


End file.
